"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life." (2 Nephi 31)
Tomorrow I am sending Parker on his own with the school bus from CEOP. It will be his first time, alone. I have accompanied him for many weeks now, but I am actually sending him ALONE with one of 4-5 chauffeurs that come from CEOP to get us bi-weekly.
There will be no other children in the bus.
BUT tomorrow, my teeny Peej will be strapped into his carseat by the chauffeur as usual. But differently than usual, I will NOT climb into the car next to him, watching our building's view blur, while passing the many parisians, boulangeries, the metro and numerous buses, the Arc de Triomph, and the Eiffel Tower...all the while talking chit-chat to the chauffeur killing our time together before arriving at his deaf school in the 15th.
I will, in fact, help the chauffeur strap him into the carseat, hand him his "ginky" or today he actually said, "binky"(bravo,Parker!) a few times, his adorable army backpack filled with diapers, wipes, toys & snacks, shut the door, and watch them drive away...and watch his happy face turn to confusion, then terror...
THEN, I will wait until I can't see the car anymore, it turns the corner of the street, and drives away.
AND I will walk inside my apartment building, and cry.
And I'll wait for him to return, and it will be almost the longest 2 hours of my life (the neurosurgery waiting room is actually preeeetty ugly, and long-seeming). I'm hoping this is actually a bit easier, but it will likely be a close second.
So that's my deal tonight, and where my prayers are focused tonight...and will be tomorrow morning at 8:15, too.
The thing is that I could have NEVER sent ANY one of my other kids in a car unattended by me or John at the age of 2 1/2....
to school, no less.
And 2 years ago, I couldn't have imagined this scenario in the least.
But there is something about Parker, and his life, that is so very magical...and all of the experiences we've had with him, that makes me logically tell myself that NOTHING more could possibly happen to him.
He's going to be ok....
This boy is surrounded by angels, and love & joy, and peace.
He'll be ok.
Right?
Please tell me he will be. PLEEEAAASSSEEEE.
What will I do with all of my free time while he's gone?
Press forward, with faith, and a perfect brightness of hope that 'all will be well', in this smal little section of the earth we claim as ours.
My world will boil down to these crucial hours, and I will pray again.
...And probably do a few dishes, and fold some laundry, too.
