Parker update March 4

Today was a good day for us. It was rainy and cold this morning in Paris but the sun peaked in later in the day.

We slept at the apartment again last night and we both got a solid 7 hours of sleep-- and felt only marginally guilty.

Parker was alert this morning but he was having some signs of withdrawals from the pain meds. His legs were shaking and he would get agitated and his blood pressure would rise. PJ was never a calm child. Even in-utero they spotted one of the twins as being a bit more anxious -- and he was the one that pushed his way to the bottom to make sure he came out first. This afternoon he had dilated pupils and was very fidgety and so after going cold turkey since yesterday, the doctor has been giving him morphine in reduced doses to gradually wean him.

He is showing signs of directed motor progression. Dr Oualha held up Mehdi-bunny and Parker would reach for him independently with each of his ams. One time he got a good hold of an ear and tugged pretty hard. Tonight I put his pacifier in his hand and he correctly guided it to his mouth after some attempts to force it into his now tube-free nostril.

He has traded in his gutteral sounds for a kind of a high pitched cat-sneeze sounds. His eyes are more focused and expression is less anxious-- he looks fairly ambivalent most of the time.

My previous rapture with stinky diapers has been tempered as a lot of medication starts to make it's way through the system-- in significant quantity..

Dr Oualha gave us the formal update and they will look to move him out of ICU into either neurology or the step-down unit. We have come to know the heads of both of these units so it is reassuring that there is a continuity of care. He didn't give us a firm date but it should be Saturday at the latest.

The plan for the morning was for both of us to spend a couple of hours with him in the morning then bring the girls into see him again as they are not in school on Wednesdays. I returned home at a 9:40 to pick up the car and bring them to the hospital by 10 AM. After a hectic and stressful time it was probably 11:30 before we got to the hospital and not before noon until we made it into Parker's room. I have a renewed sense of profound gratitude and awe for our dear friends Dave and Leslie Arnold who have been so solid and so flexible this past 10 days. Over this period, whenever we had requests to see the girls they would arrive at the appointed time with a couple of minutes to spare, with all the girls looking perfectly groomed (for Renee a hair bow is essential-not accessory) and always made it seem like it was no problem. They are expecting their first child, a little boy, in the next two weeks yet Leslie has been keeping an amazing pace while chasing around 3 very energetic girls and pushing another not so small 8-month old in their own previously unused stroller through parks, museums and aquariums. Dave has been our spiritual and physical rock bringing us food (and at the beginning clothes as well) as well as coming at a moments notice to give us blessings to help us make it through some darker moments.

While I went back to the apartment to get the girls this morning the nurses told Renee that they would let her hold Parker. The staff was not ignorant of the significance of this step and they put some lullaby music on, lowered the blinds, closed the door and let Renee alone to cradle her son in her arms. With unashamed tears streaming down her face she sat there for two hours holding her child as only a mother can; with that gentle embrace that may not heal the wounds but somehow takes away the pain all the same. The kind that left you feeling that whatever you do or whoever you are, there will always be at least one person who loved you on this earth unconditionally and fully; and despite your best efforts to test her-- she always would. When his little body would shake and shiver as days of medication were purged from his muscles and tissue and he perspired from his little forehead, she would hold him tighter and whisper gently that it would be ok. And somehow, by some gift of divine communication, through the haze, confusion, and shaking, he understood and was still.