"Autumn is a second spring where every leaf is a flower."--Albert Camus
It is time to put away the broken heart and sadness. It is time to lock it away and keep it for only sacred learning, growing moments. It is time to suck up the pain, breathe & walk forward.
I can say meningitis without wanting to throw up anymore. I can explain Parker's hearing apparatus without tears coming to my eyes, or a lump settling into my throat.
I am ready to put away the sick baby syndrome, and embrace him for what he is, now, finally, and what he will become, and no longer what he should have been , or could have been.
I am ready to put him in time out, and say "no" to him when he needs to be taught.
I am ready to put him in line with the girls and make him stand in his place. He is well enough now. I am well enough now. (Thank goodness!)
My girls need me to be the mother that I haven't been the past 2 years.....185 days, a billion minutes......, and unnumbered seconds.
I am ready to anticipate 20 years of speech therapy with Parker, but recognize that Hannah, Axelle, AND Penelope need it, too.
I am brave enough to look into my own future and wonder if I will become deaf (or blind or paralyzed or whatever...), and how that would effect me, and my children, and my husband, my life, my attitude.
It is time to be okay with whatever life brings. It is time to soar again, and love more. It is time to understand completely where others have been or are bound to go.
And have compassion for them, or wisdom to share.
The seasons change.
Like they always do.
I always love the Fall in Paris. We've packed away our summer clothes, starting making pumpkin soups and cookies, pulled out the warm grays, goldens, and burgundies, deep purples. We are preparing for Fall. The kids are painting pumpkins, we are thinking of Halloween, and I stop to watch the leaves fall in the brisk, cool wind. And I have to take a step back from the everyday moments, and thank God for our trials, thank God for our growth. Thank God for our loving family & friends. Thank God for our good medical care. And as I step back, I realize my babies are no longer babies. My oldest daughter will be a decade old this week....and my babies are in 1/2 day preschool. And they talk, and talk back. And run, and have opinions. And I think I am (finally) ready for a change, I am finally capable of making decisions, whereas for several years/months, my decisions were dictated by urgency and medication and doctors appointments. I should feel light, but I feel tired, run down, a bit worn. But with that weathered look on my face, comes so much wisdom, so in the end, I guess it was all worth it. It IS all worth it.I am ready to clean out cupboards, paint walls, change room assignments, de-clutter my home-our home, my brain, my heavy-laden spirit, and frolic again. And read more, and sing more, and dance more, and enjoy more, and live more. With my love. With my husband, of many years who is very patient with me. And with our gorgeous sometimes spunky little chickens that are growing right before our eyes.
And this scripture just keeps coming to mind:
Ecclesiastes 3:1-13 "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. What profit hath he the worth in that wherein he laboureth? I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. He hath made every thing beautiful in His time; also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
I KNOW THAT THERE IS NO GOOD IN THEM, BUT FOR A MAN TO REJOICE, AND TO DO GOOD IN HIS LIFE. AND ALSO THAT EVERY MAN SHOULD EAT AND DRINK, AND ENJOY THE GOOD OF ALL HIS LABOUR, IT IS THE GIFT OF GOD."
Amen to that.
