In church, I grew up sitting next to my mom in sacrament meeting who always cried during a particular hymn. When I was small I didn't understand why.
Now I get it.
I had a rare opportunity to be home in the middle of the day today with just Parker. The weather has turned gray & cold and autumn has arrived. Hannah even had the word "l'automne" as one of her spelling words today.
The girls ate lunch at school for the first time this year. Axelle was very excited by this prospect, and as such, was dressed with teeth and hair brushed by 7:15 this morning.
Abby was happy, and looking smart in her new winter coat.
Penelope was visibly pleased again to be playing at the garderie with her friend, "Belle".
After they were all dropped off, and Parker stopped crying (not being able to stay & play with Penel, or the other cool-looking toys or french kids), we walked half way back home to the physical therapist's office. He did great, but she worked him hard. She says we've just got to work on his balance so he can walk, walk, walk.
After that,we came home. I cleaned up from the morning rush and started cooking. I love the Fall, I love wassail and pumpkin cookies and all of the smells associated with Fall, ....and my home when I am cooking.
I started thinking about how satisfying it is to cook for my family, and prepare their clothes, make their beds after they leave for a long day, do homework with them, practice piano with them...dress them in their ballet clothes, etc, etc, etc.
And how wonderful it is to be on "this side" of the spinning vortex of chaos I feel our family has lived in since the twins were born, and especially since Parker's illness.
I can feel the momentum slowing down. I feel like the ride is about to come to a complete stop...I can feel that sometimes we are sucked back into that vortex, or perhaps maybe a smaller one... one or two or sometimes all of us, where we feel stressed, sad, scared, anxious, sick, even...
but today I think I may have actually gotten off the ride. With Parker.
We slowed down enough to step off the spinning vortex of chaos...and the fear, and trembling and sadness, and betrayal and wonder, and anger and filth and mud and everything else associated with the chaotic part of that vortex.
And It's good here. Great, even, albeit it, teary.
I was chopping and singing to Parker as he was seated in his high chair in the kitchen. I started singing, "Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your blessings see what God has done. Count your blessings, name them one by one. And it will surprise you what the Lord has done."
Of course I was humming it for minutes before I started singing it, just fine.
But as I opened my mouth to sing, the tears started flowing.
"Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear"
Count your many blessings & your doubts will fly,
And you will be singing as the days go by.
Count your blessings name them one by one.
Count your blessings, see what God has done.
Count your many blessings, NAME THEM ONE-BY-ONE."
It's easy to get caught up in the hard things and negative things in life, thinking that it's all that matters, it's all you can see when you feel sorry for yourself....but I am actually very surprised how blessed I am every single time I start counting my blessings.
Then I feel ashamed, and rightly so, for feeling hurt or angry or sad.
I am richly blessed. Parker is richly blessed.
Parker has richly blessed us.
Here are Parker's blessings this week:
He is getting over his awful head cold/ear infection, thanks to antibiotics from a few angles (mouth & ear).
He is learning how to catch a ball while standing up, leaning against a wall or couch.
He is taking 5-6 steps, mostly to me, or back to the couch.
His EEG was not perfect, but MUCH better than June's.
He is increasing his anti-epileptics as the blood levels were low, hoping to fine-tune the EEG.
He is saying a smattering of words:
"Coucou" (the french equivalent to "peek-a-boo")
Hi/Bye (not always with a B)
Thank you (sounds like "gank-ooh")
Merci (sounds like 'meh-key')
Cookie ("cah-key")
Ice Cream (sounds like "eye keem")
Drink (sounds more like "ink")
Cheese (when you pull out the camera, no less, and it sounds like "schleeee")
Outside (sounds like oww-sigh)
He dances/sways when we go to music/singing class, and says "eee-ii-oooh".
He purses his lips & says "mmmmmuah" when I ask for a kiss.
He likes to play the piano and says "grave" with his hand low when we play low notes on the keyboard.
When I pick him up, he puts his arms & legs around me for support, his muscle tone is getting significantly better.
He also pats my back when I hold him, ok, that is my blessing, but I'm putting it in. I love it.
He started saying "brrrrrm" today with the sign for car when we were playing cars. (I've never played cars before with all these girls, I actually quite like it).
He loves balls & cars, like a real boy should.
The physical therapist, and occupational therapist both said this week, "He's like a different boy. He is changing alot right now."
I'm impatient, but am looking to count my blessings this Fall and keep on keepin' on. In or out of the vortex, I have alot of counting to do. And thanks to my mom's genetics, some crying too.
This is my mom in the video with a sampling of our daily chaos, at the Wild Animal Park in San Diego this summer. She tolerates our chaos well, and maybe even enjoys it! She's signing the ASL sign for Elephant. She & Penelope manage to do it well. Abby was explaining her stamp map to me. Good thing I got it on video. Hannah just got home and asked me how come she is not in the video.
