That being said, occasionally I think of a "good post". Something worthy of my time & attention, and yours, perhaps. Then I think I should share this burden with John. He has "alot on his plate", too after all.
I think it comes with age, or wisdom, or knowledge that all days are not actually perfect, or even noteworthy, but the past few years, I have starting collecting in my memory days that are worthy of the title "A PERFECT DAY". To me, it signifies something so beautiful & the feelings I have on that day are usually so joyful that I can't help but want to photograph everything in my mind-take it, covet it, wrap it into a little ball & keep it very close to my heart, or etch it into my mind. It is a good, happy, perfect day. Something I want to remember--forever & ever.
I only have 3 days that fit this title in my 35 years of life. Sadly they do not include my wedding day or even the days my children were born (those were great, of course, but I was too young in my maturity, or tired or distracted or stressed to truly appreciate them). I am sure I had more perfect days when I was little, but can't remember them at all. Seeing as how Axelle is included in all 3 of my perfect days, I must have only started realizing these in the past 4 years.
The first was Axelle's first birthday. She was born in May. The winter was long & gray. For those of you who live in Paris, you know what I am talking about. The first hint of springtime sunshine, and everyone runs outside & can't stop talking about it. When Axelle turned one, Abby was a mere 4 1/2. Hannah was then, 2 1/2. I decided to take Abby out of school & celebrate the fact the sun was shining & I had 3 gorgeous creatures given to me. We ate at their favorite restaurant (after a morning nap), took pictures by the Arc de Triomphe, then headed on the 30 bus to the Eiffel Tower for some pink soft serve ice cream in the shadows of the Tower & picked flowers. I remember thinking I was the luckiest woman alive. I had some tourists take our picture.
The second "Perfect Day" was in Kauai 2 summers ago. John & I had just kayaked the NaPali coast, my extended family had returned to the mainland. The girls wanted to go camping like Mom & Dad. We loaded up and drove the yellow Jeep Wrangler (Thanks to the Bebblings) to the furthest beach on the island and watched the sunset over the waves in a perfect pink/purple/orange haze. John & I talked about our dreams & how lucky we were as our 3 energetic angel babies turned into young girls danced & pranced in the sand with waves crashing behind them. We talked of our love for each other & these precious beings we called "ours". I was the luckiest girl alive. There was no one else around. John held out his arm & took our picture.
My third Perfect Day happened this weekend. Well, it is not really a whole day, but more of a flash within a day...that lasts. This has much more meaning considering I feel like I have lived on a different sphere than most earthlings the past 18 months (being pregnant with & having twins will do that to any normal person) and more specifically the past 7 months (watching my healthy infant son nearly die & come back again). A few short weeks ago, I told John I wasn't sure I would ever feel joy again, I was just too too too too sad....that I would never stop blaming myself for not protecting my son from this wicked, awful bacteria. To my surprise he got very angry with me. For those of you who know John, you know it is rare to see anger in his eye. This only made things worse. Since then, I have worked through alot of things. I have done things in the past 7 months I never dreamed possible, or even thought would be or could be expected of me. THIS IS WHAT MAKES THE MOMENTS ALL THAT MUCH MORE WORTHWHILE. I live more because I have tasted death. I think I have, you can debate it. I think more, I listen more, I love more. My joy is far greater because my suffering has been immensely greater. I do feel joy again. Rejoice! I feel a calm, loving presence in my life too, knowing that I can handle what comes next, whatever that means. I can do it because I have been tested, and proved. I can do it because I feel and know the presence of angels...here & there. So back to my perfect day: Only 3 weeks ago, I told John I couldn't imagine I would ever feel happy again. Yesterday, I felt it. I felt it all day long. I woke up with a spring in my step. My son is sitting from a lying position, he is hearing (albeit with machines), he is crawling (call it what you will, but it is forward motion). All of these things were uncertainties only weeks ago. I have a husband who cherishes & supports me, and 4 girls who honor me (well, mostly) and in whom I find great, sincere, genuine pride. My son thinks I am pure sunshine. They are all amazing. I have a loving family & dear friends who stand by me, even when I falter. You might meet me on the street & think I have "too much on my plate" or "a child with special needs", but you will not ask if I have joy in my life. You will see it in my eye, my smile, my touch, see it reflected in the people's eyes around me. I am back. I am here. I am joyful. It is genuine. My "perfect day" moment was a picnic by the Seine at a church party with my 5 children & sunshine with a few drops of rain. Lots of friends, and great food. Am I lucky? Do I even have to ask...That's Perfect Day Number Three.
