Early on in Parker's illness it was clear to me that all of this, and all of life is about LOVE.
The LOVE that a mother or father has for their sick child, fighting for life in a sterile room surrounded by technology & tubes & cords. With nothing to do but watch, and hope and pray and love....
The LOVING touch of a skilled nurse who lifts my son's head ever-so-gently to massage it, in spite of his intracranial hypertension-to prevent bedsores.
The strangely LOVING eyes of the ICU doctors who looked at me, at John, at Parker, over masked faces with a sense of "knowing" some degree of pain & fear & hope & wonder I had on my tear-stained, mask-covered face, in my worried eyes.
The LOVE a husband and wife have for each other to create & nurture a child together, then 2, then 3...then 5 into a world full of hope and beauty muddled with heartache & confusion. I see that love ebb & flow with life..and know it is constant & he is constant. He has always been, always will be, right by my side. He seems strong. I seem weak. We grow,unify, accept. This is perfect love...
The LOVE a sister has for her baby brother: A sister who prays every night that "Parker will hear...and that his head could be fixed again."
The LOVE of another sister who is old enough to ask, "WHY? Why did this happen to us? Why did this happen to him? Why did this happen to my brother? Why, Mom?..."
I see LOVE in a mirrored reflection from another sister--not a twin--who says, "I like Parker. Where is Parker? He smiles at me..." I answer, "Parker is ok. (while simultaneously reassuring myself)Parker is at the hospital again-with Dad."
I see moments of true kinship, an intrinsic LOVE, when I place the twins in the same bed at night and watch the way they look into each other's eyes, pat each other's faces with an understanding. An understanding of all of this that seems much greater and less pained than mine... I see Penelope's eyes light up when she sees that Parker can sit by her, or stand next to her (with my help)...and realize that he is not forgotten...by her.
LOVE is when my friend calls me and says, "Listen. I know that if this were a normal day in a normal world, we'd be taking our kids on a picnic today. So, what do you say?"...My knee-jerk reaction is of course, "No"...but the sun is shining and though all doesn't actually appear to be well....I think, deep down inside of me, it may in fact be. And I do. I do take my kids on a picnic with her. We hold our children. And love them. And watch them run & jump & play....and time almost starts to run the way it used to....before February 22nd. Almost.
The LOVE a mother has for her grown child...when she sees me weeping & suffering she says to me, "You have no idea how much I love you Renee, my child. No idea." I stop weeping, take a breath and say, "But I do, mom. I do."
I see LOVE from my son's shining, glimmering eyes and smiling, happy face. It reminds me again that it is all about love. That's it. It's it.
This whole thing is about love. The love of a neighbor for a friend, my childrens' friends for them, a parent's love for her child, an aunt's love for her niece & nephew. The friend who knows something very real of suffering...and offers to suffer with you if it will make your suffering that much more tolerable.
I believe this life is a test. I believe in a loving Heavenly Father and Mother who placed us here, all of humanity, as brothers and sisters--to be tried & tested, to learn & grow. Each day we must. Difficult things happen to refine us and give us opportunities to serve others & find joy in doing so. We have been blessed by so much love-inside our home-and outside. The only way we could possibly return this love is to embrace this challenge the best way we know how, and continue to love.
LOVE Parker. LOVE each other. LOVE our friends. LOVE our enemies. Seek to LOVE more fully and more completely and more sincerely.
Our dear friend got each member of our family shirts that say, "I Love PJ". His says, "Glad to be home". We are glad he is home. We love the idea that he is home, with no plans for future surgeries. We love Peej. We love PJ. Love is home. Love is everything.
